A Big 'Ole Sign

Isn’t there suppose to be some age you hit and magically you figure out exactly what you want in your life and everything just unfolds?  No?  Well one can wish, right?  I feel like I have lost all sight of who I am and all my convictions.  Coming out to the Black Hills may have been the best choice or the worst choice of my life, I still don’t know.  Either way it was a choice I made and now I am living with everything that comes with that decision, whether it is good or bad.

I have made amazing friends out here, a solid group of people who I really think a lot of.  I have spent quality time with many of them and have also found trust in most of them.  A big reason of why I wanted to stay out here in the ‘hills’ for the summer, but to be honest I just don’t know if that is the right decision.

I’m going through a period of trying to figure out what I want, and it always leads me back to just being confused!  I feel like I’ve gone back to being a college kid, no strings attached, no convictions, just freedom, and I just can’t do this anymore.  I need to figure out my life… what do I really want, who I am.  I feel awful as I feel like I have subjected friends here in Custer to my childish escapades and drug them along as I make an ass of myself while I try to find out who I am.  Hopefully I haven’t ruined myself too bad…  I wish someone could just tell me or that there was a big ‘ole flashing sign with that information.

Breathe Amanda, breathe!